I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
