So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
