dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
