trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
