he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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