I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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