dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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