Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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