Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
