rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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