hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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