K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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