I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
