I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
