You smell like a Billy Joel song
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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