she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
