you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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