That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i came on her dog
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
