New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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