Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.