I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son