You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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