the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
