Will you blow on my dice?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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