I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!