why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
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You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.