Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.

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(717): So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC. http://tfl.nu/vvcv

Replies (89) Good night (3156) Bad night (604)
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(631): View more from New York

She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina

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(631): She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina http://tfl.nu/7w0w

Replies (50) Good night (1708) Bad night (8149)
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(760): View more from California

It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.

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(760): It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica. http://tfl.nu/vdor

Replies (23) Good night (1194) Bad night (3924)
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(718): View more from New York

...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex

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(718): ...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex http://tfl.nu/2clh

Replies (17) Good night (4952) Bad night (1455)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid

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(203): i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid http://tfl.nu/ekmu

Replies (4) Good night (1561) Bad night (913)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.

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(814): since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops. http://tfl.nu/bn1i

Replies (11) Good night (732) Bad night (2154)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.

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(401): Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world. http://tfl.nu/8eb4

Replies (8) Good night (2871) Bad night (640)
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(949): View more from California

how did we start talking about space blow jobs?

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(949): how did we start talking about space blow jobs? http://tfl.nu/0fha

Replies (14) Good night (1762) Bad night (611)
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(301): View more from Maryland

They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."

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(301): They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up." http://tfl.nu/f0g8

Replies (3) Good night (2082) Bad night (767)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.

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(615): I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza. http://tfl.nu/b1m9

Replies (0) Good night (901) Bad night (628)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having

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(720): Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having http://tfl.nu/k4bc

Replies (3) Good night (922) Bad night (587)
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(848): View more from New Jersey

Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.

(732): View more from New Jersey

You live a charmed life.

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(848): Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left. (732): You live a charmed life. http://tfl.nu/9usd

Replies (8) Good night (2381) Bad night (816)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.

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(215): Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro. http://tfl.nu/nta7

Replies (11) Good night (1959) Bad night (509)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it

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(508): Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it http://tfl.nu/qcg9

Replies (3) Good night (544) Bad night (482)
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(905): View more from Ontario

Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.

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(905): Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar. http://tfl.nu/gbhh

Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (368)

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