dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo