I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.