Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this beer tastes like vomit already
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
