you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
