Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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