Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
