i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
