You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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