dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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