Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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