I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
