All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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