Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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