Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
