DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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