I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
