I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this will be a night to untag.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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