All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
