Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
