I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
