Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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