He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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