Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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