About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
