When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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