Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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