it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
