So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
