he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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