Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I pour the whiskey from now on
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
