Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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