WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
