You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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