How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
