what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dignity is for republicans.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
