he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
did i walk over a car last night?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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