I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
