I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
