The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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