i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
