I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
