woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
