someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was like eating out sand paper
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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