Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
