We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
