Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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