they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
