Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
