Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You've changed since you got that strap on
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