either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
