i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
