He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
