Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
