no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
